Being There

Today is the last day of Suicide Awareness Month, so I thought I would leave on a personal note. Something happened to me last night that inspired this post. I was chatting with a friend on Skype when she casually tells me “see you next time, I’m ODing tonight” to which I responded on “on what?” and she said “Pills and Booze.” At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but a short bit of conversation and I knew she was serious. At that point I switched into Mother Bear mode and was going to protect my cub at all cost. This friend and I have known each other for over 15 years and we have been through a lot together, and honestly I can’t imagine my life without her.

              

               We must have gone back and forth for over 45 minutes arguing about how her life was worth living, but I was going to do anything to prevent her from swallowing those pills. At one point she told me that she “prayed for death” and me, who is usually pretty emotionless felt a sadness that I just can’t relate in words. There is part of me that understands the grip that Mental Illness holds on a person, the thoughts that it makes you think, and the things that just seem like a good idea. So as much as her thoughts saddened me I could understand where she was coming from. In the time that I battled with her demons I was reminded of how I felt during my own attempt.

               My friend also highlights the stigma behind mental illness because she feels sometimes that doesn’t need help and can go it alone. She would probably be very angry at me for sharing this story, but I think that it is one that needs to be told, because it is proof that you can’t go it alone. You need a battle buddy to help you through the rough times, and professional help to get you through the everyday. That when you are in crisis it is okay to reach out for a helping hand. My friend is alive, thanks to passing out before she could swallow the pills, but she is still a stubborn mule who refuses to reach out for the proper help, but I know I will always be there for her.

Private Lives?

Do we have private lives anymore? Do we get the choice of to whom we announce our sexuality? Or should we walk up to people and announce our sexuality the same that we announce our name? The author of this article seems to believe that we should brand ourselves with our sexuality and that we have no right to consider it private. I disagree with this, I think that your sexuality is as private as you choose to make it. I understand that the premise of this article refers to a celebrity, but author extends his views on privacy to everyone.

               I want to start off by saying that I don’t believe that sex or sexuality is taboo, in fact I think it’s something that should be talked about if you’re comfortable with doing so. I don’t believe that we should run up to everyone we meet and announce our sexuality. I believe that we are entitled to have a private life, and our sexuality falls under the purview of private life. There are some people who are happy, and comfortable to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, in some cases quite literally, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not advocating that we silence those who are comfortable with broadcasting their sexuality. I’m here for the people who want to keep it private, who feel for reasons of their own that they don’t need to broadcast their sexuality to the world. I myself am a moderately private person, I’m out, and have no problem telling someone my sexuality, but I don’t feel the need to make it part of my introduction. If someone misidentifies me I will correct them, and if someone makes an idiotic statement like, “you don’t look gay”, I will use my sexuality as a teachable moment.

               The author of the article feels that refusing to answer a question about sexuality says something about the person, and maybe does. Maybe it says that they don’t feel the need to be defined by their sexuality? Maybe they are somebody who’s questioning and hasn’t quite reached a conclusion yet? Maybe it says they think it’s none of your damn business? See that's the thing about “yammering on” about privacy, it’s not about teachable moments, shying away from being honest about who you are, or feeling that you’re keeping a secret about something that’s shameful. No sometimes privacy comes down to just something being your business and not somebody else’s. We can have pride and still be private.          

              

Who will Stand for You?

The days of “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” have long past, but it still feels like being a member of the LGBTQ community is something new. Especially if you listen to the right wing nut bags that want to run for President. The truth of the matter is that being gay have be around for millennia and it is not about to stop, so we as a culture need to fighting it and start embracing it. Now I know that for some people they feel that their religious beliefs prevent them from embracing the LGBTQ community and I have spoken about what we can do with those people. As the LBGTQ community stands up and fights for equality I am reminded of Pastor Martin Niemöller famous poem:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

The fight for LGBTQ equality is just another is a long line of equality battles that have been fought in this country and it is time for everyone to take up arms in the battle, because you never know who is going to be the next group targeted to have their rights diminished.

Now I know this might sound counterintuitive from someone who wants anti-gay businesses to put up signs that say “no gays allowed.” I’m not advocating that we force everyone to fly a pride flag in their front lawns, what I am advocating is that every person that believes that all people are created equal stand up and fight. Open your mouth when you see discrimination, stand against companies that have poor records when it comes to LGBTQ issues, and finally get out and vote, it may only seem like one vote, but your vote is one in many and it makes a stand against hate, bigotry, and discrimination.

Martin Luther King Jr. said “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” I have a similar dream to Mr. King, it just adds a few things like sexual preference and gender identity. If someone has to hate me I want them to do so because they think I’m an asshole, not because of who I choose to love.

Being gay is not a sin, nor is it a choice it is just who you are. Pride is not a dirty word, nor is it something just for the LGBTQ community. Pride is for everyone, because it is for everyone to take a stand when some someone’s rights are being diminished. The road to equality is a long one, and it will have many twist, and turns, but is a journey we all must take. It is however a journey that we should not take alone because just think when your time comes who will stand for you?