Give ‘em a Square State

The following post is for entertainment purposes only, I only hope this will sound as ridiculous as it is supposed to.

I read this article and I laughed, and when I stopped laughing I cried a little, because where I saw the humor in it they were being serious. So I thought to myself maybe this isn’t a bad idea, I mean it wouldn’t be the first time America has herded off a subset of the population in to their own little area. I’m not saying that we have to herd all Christians off, no, just those special few that don’t know how to play well with others. We can start with a few of our Republican presidential hopefuls, I’m looking at you Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee; Bill O’Reilly you can go ahead and come down to the front of the class, anyone associated with Pat Robertson and the 700 club, and we can’t forget everyone’s favorite County Clerk Kim Davis just to name a few.

Now that we know who we’re dealing with we need a place to put them, a place where they can start over, and forge their happy little bigoted communities from scratch. Now a friend of mine suggested West Virginia, and he made some pretty valid selling points, but I think we should give them a square state it makes it easier to put the fence up. Kansas or Wyoming would work, Utah’s already filled with Mormons so we could just mix them in with them, the Dakotas could work in a pinch. Regardless of which location we settle on we just need to make sure it’s got adequate square mileage to support its new population. As for the existing population of the state we would just relocate them into new states of their choosing.

Now in order to roundup our denizens we simply need to run a media campaign, probably just run some advertisements during Duck Dynasty or pretty much anything on the Fox News Channel. Now just to show this isn’t punishment no expense would be spared, we would fly them first class into their newly fenced off sanctuary, and once they landed would give them a Bible and a copy of Bill O’Reilly’s latest book. From that point on they are on their own, no government intrusion, no pesky Supreme Court rulings, and no silly Bill of Rights to get in the way of their religious views. Now this also means they will receive no help from our government, no funding, no loans, or subsidies of any type. Let them live off the land, and build a biblical economy. Hell let them start swapping their daughters for goats, they want to live by the Bible.

Should by some strange chance someone find living in a biblical sanctuary to strict we here in the grand old United States of America would be happy to accept them with open arms guaranteeing they pass the test. Due to the special nature of this sanctuary anyone requesting reentry into the great United States would be required to pass a re-entrance exam just so we can weed out any potential espionage situations, make sure there’s no double agents trying to pass through our doors. Once they pass the exam they are welcome back.

              

          So now that we have solved the problem of what to do with those who can’t embrace the changes that are happening in the 21^st century now on to solving the federal deficit.