Mental Illness Awareness Week

October 4-10 is Mental Illness Awareness Week and this year’s theme is #IamStigmaFree. From www.nami.org/miaw : “Being Stigma Free means learning about and educating others on mental illness, focusing on connecting with people to see each other as individuals and not a diagnosis, and most importantly, taking action on mental health issues and taking the StigmaFree pledge.”

As someone with a mental illness living a world without stigma is something important to me. I make plans to get my very own semicolon tattoo and am always willing to start a conversation about mental illness. I think we need to talk more. We need to open up and explain and see ourselves as a “teachable moment”, now I understand if you are private person and prefer not to discuss, or think that it is none of someone’s damn business. What I don’t want to see is shame over something that you have no control over. That is part of the conversation too.

              

               The first step in fighting stigma is an open dialogue. We need to talk about it till mental illness becomes as normal as the common cold. We need to let people know that there is nothing to fear. That the people that are experiencing mental illness are not dangerous, in fact people with mental illness are more likely to be the victims of crime than commit them. So we need to end the stereotypes by showing that there is nothing to fear, by showing that we are just like anyone else.

So stand up and say “I have a mental illness and I am proud.” Go out and get that semicolon tattoo. Write your Congressman. Speak up in any way you can. Be an ally for a friend or family member with a mental illness. Just do something to help break the stigma.

Being There

Today is the last day of Suicide Awareness Month, so I thought I would leave on a personal note. Something happened to me last night that inspired this post. I was chatting with a friend on Skype when she casually tells me “see you next time, I’m ODing tonight” to which I responded on “on what?” and she said “Pills and Booze.” At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but a short bit of conversation and I knew she was serious. At that point I switched into Mother Bear mode and was going to protect my cub at all cost. This friend and I have known each other for over 15 years and we have been through a lot together, and honestly I can’t imagine my life without her.

              

               We must have gone back and forth for over 45 minutes arguing about how her life was worth living, but I was going to do anything to prevent her from swallowing those pills. At one point she told me that she “prayed for death” and me, who is usually pretty emotionless felt a sadness that I just can’t relate in words. There is part of me that understands the grip that Mental Illness holds on a person, the thoughts that it makes you think, and the things that just seem like a good idea. So as much as her thoughts saddened me I could understand where she was coming from. In the time that I battled with her demons I was reminded of how I felt during my own attempt.

               My friend also highlights the stigma behind mental illness because she feels sometimes that doesn’t need help and can go it alone. She would probably be very angry at me for sharing this story, but I think that it is one that needs to be told, because it is proof that you can’t go it alone. You need a battle buddy to help you through the rough times, and professional help to get you through the everyday. That when you are in crisis it is okay to reach out for a helping hand. My friend is alive, thanks to passing out before she could swallow the pills, but she is still a stubborn mule who refuses to reach out for the proper help, but I know I will always be there for her.

World Suicide Prevention Day.

               September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and today is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day designed to reach out to those affected by suicide and raise awareness. More information is available at http://www.nami.org/suicideawarenessmonth/hp .

I will start off by saying that I am not a medical or clinical professional, I am just one woman armed with facts, opinions and personal experience. Nothing that say here today should be taken as the diagnosis or treatment of an illness. If you suspect that you have a mental illness please seek out a medical or clinical professional. If you are contemplating suicide please reach out to a friend, lover, religious person, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911 immediately.

Comedians Robin Williams and Richard Jeni have something in common, and it is not that fact that they were both funny men, it is the fact that they both committed suicide. Robin Williams August 2014 death brought a host of opinions from people, some people called it tragic, where others called him selfish or a coward. These reactions are not surprising considering the stigma that is placed on mental illness. Now I am not going to go on a big rant about stigma, I have done that here before. I just want to talk about suicide, its myths, some facts and my own personal experiences.

              

Myth one: Suicide is Uncommon

               That sad, but true fact is that it is more common than we think it is. In 2014 alone 9 million adults had serious thoughts of suicide, 2.7 million made suicide plans, 1.3 million attempted suicide, and 40,000 died by suicide. That breaks down to one suicide every 13 minutes, one veteran commits suicide every hour. More people died by suicide in 2014 than by automobile accidents. So as you can see it more common than one would think. I have known five people in my life that have committed suicide and all them did it before I turned 25, which may not seem like many but when you consider that they all took place between the ages of 13-25, five people in 12 years is nothing to shake a stick at.

Myth Two: Shake it Off

               I have to admit that I am guilty of telling a quasi-suicidal friend that they just needed to “buck up and get over it.” Take in mind I was a much different person back then. There is however a largely held belief that a person who is contemplating suicide just needs to “think happy thoughts” or “Pull it together” and that is simply just not true. A vast majority of those who attempt or commit suicide are suffering from a mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. Those are not diseases that can be cured with “happy thoughts.” Mental Illness is a contributing factor in 90% of suicides and the risk of suicide increases more than 50% in individuals experiencing depression.  You must remember that mental illness affects the brain and its pathways, meaning that suicidal thoughts or actions are due to chemical misfires in the brain in most cases. Now I’m not saying that every person to commit suicide has a mental illness, but even those who don’t have a mental illness still need professional help, a suicidal thought, or suicide plan is not something one can simply “walk off.”

Myth Three: Only Cowards or Selfish People commit Suicide

               For many who commit suicide they are so deeply depressed that they feel that their removal from the world will ease the burden on their loved ones. They feel that they are being helpful or for some people they feel that no one will miss them so their death will be no great loss. Despite what many people think suicide is not a well thought out action, in fact 25% of those who attempt suicide do so within five minutes of their initial decision, and more than 70% do so within the first hour. This is the time when a person is not thinking clearly, they don’t see this as taking the easy way out, they see it as the only way out. Suicide is not an action about crying out for attention, nor is it something done to purposely hurt someone else. I can say this because I have been there.

My story

I didn’t do it for attention, I really thought the world was going to be a better place without me. I was 18, and was in a really bad relationship, not physically abusive, but mentally and emotionally abusive. I was in a really bad place because we had just bought a house, and I really wasn’t sure how to leave. I just knew that the decisions that I had made had been terrible, and that my existence was making the world terrible for everyone else. So one night at the height of my depression I was home alone and I decided that the world would be a better place without a fuck-up like me, and proceeded to swallow the better part of a bottle of Aleve. I got very lucky, because I got very sick and I threw up every pill that I took, passed out, and slept for the first time in three days. Within a week I was out of a bad relationship, living somewhere new, still depressed, but I knew I needed help and I was working on getting that. I was lucky that I threw up, I was lucky that I woke up the next day, and I was very lucky that I didn’t end up in the hospital. It was almost a year before I told anyone what really happened that night, and now I’m happy to tell the story, because I want others to understand what it’s like to reach that point. I was also lucky to have someone around who helped me through my depression and was there for me to reach out to. That night was not the first time I had suicidal thoughts, it was just the first time I acted on them. So I can say from experience it is usually a rush decision.

Final Thoughts

               Suicide is an irrational action, committed by people thinking irrationally. We as survivors be it those who have lost someone or those who have survived an attempt must make a stand for those in need. If someone you know expresses suicidal thoughts or actions you need to you get them help immediately, don’t dismiss them as seeking attention or tell them to shake it off. If you lose someone to suicide don’t blame them and don’t blame yourself. Blame the illness that took over their mind and disrupted their brain, and if it was a rare case where mental illness was not involved blame the irrational thoughts that drove them over the edge. Also remember that love can’t cure mental illness, but it helps those of us suffering from it to know that we are loved and it can help our perspective on life.