Today is the last day of Suicide
Awareness Month, so I thought I would leave on a personal note. Something
happened to me last night that inspired this post. I was chatting with a friend
on Skype when she casually tells me “see you next time, I’m ODing tonight” to
which I responded on “on what?” and she said “Pills and Booze.” At first I
thought she was being sarcastic, but a short bit of conversation and I knew she
was serious. At that point I switched into Mother Bear mode and was going to
protect my cub at all cost. This friend and I have known each other for over 15
years and we have been through a lot together, and honestly I can’t imagine my
life without her.
We must
have gone back and forth for over 45 minutes arguing about how her life was
worth living, but I was going to do anything to prevent her from swallowing
those pills. At one point she told me that she “prayed for death” and me, who
is usually pretty emotionless felt a sadness that I just can’t relate in words.
There is part of me that understands the grip that Mental Illness holds on a
person, the thoughts that it makes you think, and the things that just seem
like a good idea. So as much as her thoughts saddened me I could understand
where she was coming from. In the time that I battled with her demons I was
reminded of how I felt during my own attempt.
My
friend also highlights the stigma behind mental illness because she feels
sometimes that doesn’t need help and can go it alone. She would probably be
very angry at me for sharing this story, but I think that it is one that needs
to be told, because it is proof that you can’t go it alone. You need a battle
buddy to help you through the rough times, and professional help to get you
through the everyday. That when you are in crisis it is okay to reach out for a
helping hand. My friend is alive, thanks to passing out before she could
swallow the pills, but she is still a stubborn mule who refuses to reach out
for the proper help, but I know I will always be there for her.
No comments:
Post a Comment